You could get praised as a family person and stalwart of the community, with all your good deeds recounted lovingly.

Or the footprints you leave in this world may not be very deep, so few people attend and you are not deeply mourned.

You may even be quietly vilified.

These thoughts crossed my mind after the recent untimely death of my brother, Ivor.

It was a very large funeral with many tributes paid.

It would have been better if the accolades had been made when he was alive, but this is quite typical.

In politics, white liberals like Helen Suzman and Frederick Van Zyl Slabbert only received their due from the ANC government after their demise.

Meanwhile, non-ANC heroes such as Robert Sobukwe and Steve Biko continue to be side-lined in official commemorations.

In Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar, Mark Anthony says at Caesar's funeral that "The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones."

This actually isn't true at all - there is no reason that the good that people do should have a lesser chance of prevailing than what is bad.

At the individual level one never knows what action, large or small, might be a tipping point in the life of another person.

We all know the effects of teachers on us when we were at school, as well as the behavior of other children.

An encouraging word at a critical time can be crucial, while a cruel taunt can haunt one forever.

One often finds small acts of kindness that have huge consequences in the development of a leader.

For instance, Walter Sisulu persuaded lawyer Lazer Sidelsky to take on Nelson Mandela as an articled clerk . He commented later that if Sidelsky had not done this, Mandela would have gone back to Transkei and become a paramount chief.

Mandela's general leadership shows the power of example. He never used public office for private gain.

Stepping down after one term was a repudiation of the African "Big Man" leadership style epitomized by the likes of Robert Mugabe.

Mugabe will probably have a large funeral if he dies while still in power, but once the fear dissipates his life will be seen as a cautionary tale of what should be avoided.

This is what happened after the death of Stalin despite the huge crush of people who came to view his body.

Who is likely to emulate an evil man as compared to the enduring role models of people such as Moses, Jesus and Mother Theresa?

Self-improvement guru Stephen Covey has a useful exercise in which you envisage what you want people to say about you at your funeral, and then formulate your life mission accordingly.

It's what he calls "Begin with the end in mind" and is one of his famous seven habits of highly effective people.

We each need to set our priorities and to live our lives each day in line with these priorities as defined by underlying principle.

It is the direction that is important, rather than getting side-tracked by lesser matters.

Many conflicts in our country would be more manageable if the end goal was always before us.

Jack Bloom is a Democratic Alliance MPL in Gauteng. This article first appeared in The Citizen.

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