Don't look now: But Malema's in the kak
Friends, do you remember - or are you all too young? - a movie titled Don't Look Now? It was a bloody stupid title - but so it goes.
It was avant garde for its time, I believe. Made in 1973 and set in Venice, it starred Julie Christie (the mere name is enough to make me swoon) and Donald Sutherland, was based on a Daphne du Maurier book, and featured a strange, vertically-challenged creature (i.e. a dwarf) in a red anorak, who sort of appeared but then disappeared, all the time.
Most importantly - well, at the time - was a Sutherland-Christie sex scene that afterwards became famous because it was unusually graphic for those days: it included a rare sight of cunnilingus. (If you don't know what cunnilingus is, please write to the editor of this site.) So graphic and convincing was the scene that there were subsequently rumours - for years - that Sutherland and Christie actually had sex in front of the cameras.
Anyway, the year was 1973 and I was a sweet young thing of 21 living in Jerusalem, Israel, supposedly studying English literature and philosophy but actually focused on rugby, chasing the fairer sex, and trying to understand Herbert Marcuse, Barrington Moore Jnr., and Penny Cohen. The October 1973 war was about to descend on us all, but it hadn't happened yet.
Now, besides knowing what I have just told you, you need to know two other things. First: in those days going to a movie in Israel was an "unusual" experience if you were from a place like the states or Seffrica. The language of 95 percent of movies was English, with subtitles in Hebrew - so movie "theatres" (as Barry Ronge calls them) were not places of silence. Au contraire; because they could read the subtitles, the locals were wont to argue about the movie being screened - and just about everything else - at the top of their voices.
Second thing you need to know is that the (politest and loveliest) modern Hebrew phrase for "making love" is oseh hayyim - "making life".
So there we all were watching Christie and Sutherland messing around with the big chiluga and so on, when some some fellow in the audience stood up, and walked to the double doors of the nearest fire exit. He flung these open, flooding us all in unwanted light, and said loudly and indignantly, as he marched off down an alley: "anee meshalem - ve-hoo oseh hayyim": "I must pay [for the movie] - and he's making life".
Please hold that image for a while while we segue forward to 1982 and another movie. This was called 48 Hrs and starred Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte and it was in this movie that Murphy (playing Reggie Hammond) uttered the famous lines to a bunch of rednecks in a San Francisco bar: "I'm your worst nightmare, a nigger with a badge". (I always thought he said "a nigger with a gun', but apparently not.)
We now move to 2010 and reflect that our worst nightmare might not be a nigger with a badge, but Julius "little Julie" Malema, the president of the ANC Yoof league and the guy who is singing the theme song from another old movie, Midnight Cowboy: "Everybody's talking at me./ I don't hear a word they're saying, /Only the echoes of my mind. /People stopping staring, /I can't see their faces,/ Only the shadows of their eyes. /I'm going where the sun keeps shining/ Thru' the pouring rain, /Wah wah wah wah wah wah ..."
What do we know about Little Julie? Well, he's 29 years old and he was raised by a single mother, a domestic worker. I have seen reports, though I can't remember where, that he has a child somewhere. Having various children "somewhere" seems to be de rigueur for our leaders, but let's not go there right now. I have, however, never seen Little Julie (in photographs or TV footage) with a woman - he's always with that bunch of guys from the league who look like clones.
His school career seems to have been rather undistinguished. He failed two high school grades as well as several subjects in his final secondary school examination. His highest mark attained at school was apparently a "c" for second language English and he's reported to have scored less than 30 percent for maths and woodwork.
I would have been inclined not to take too much notice of Julie's school marks. Not everyone is cut out to be an intemallectual and, if you think about it, what did you learn at school and university that was worth diddley? C'mon, be honest. And, well, I have soft spot for people lousy at woodwork - I think I got three percent for the subject (besides setting a Transvaal record for biology, 8 percent).
But last night I listened to some stuff on the Net from Debra "pat-a-cake" Patta's interviews with him - and I came away, not only with a new admiration for Pat-a-cake, but with a new understanding that Little Julie is a prize moron - what my father would have called, with his eyes flashing, "a bloody fool".
I mean - you have never heard such crap in your life, not even in this column. He is so stupid and offensive during the Patta interview that I have come to realise that his famous controversial statements were actually crafted for him - and then he learned them off by heart... Do you think JZ, the wives, and the 20 kids sit around the ol' computer of an evening playing the Malema interview and rolling about on the presidential Persians while guffawing uncontrollably? Could be.
But how, I wondered to myself, can Julie be so stupid - and yet so effective a politician? I read yesterday in an intemallectual analysis, by a professor nogal, that Malema was an effective campaigner during the last election because he said all the things that the ANC leadership actually wanted to say but were to afraid to articulate publicly.
And - it turns out - Malema is a rich boychik. He drives a number of expensive cars, has a pad in Sandton, wears a 250-grand timepiece on his pudgy wrist (can it be so expensive?), and wears designer clothes, like that little cap.
Now, being a pretty unwealthy chap, and having never come up with a cogent answer to my father's question - "If you're so clever, why aren't you rich?" - I have come to the conclusion that, contrary to what my medemense and I believed in 1973, money is good stuff to have in your pocket and the bank and, what's more, you have to be reasonably smart, or very bent, to amass it.
Anyway, Little Julie is the quintessential new Seffrican. He's gone out there to make money for himself - using the ANC, which is where the money and power are if you're a poor black boy - and he doesn't give a shit for anyone else. It is his due, in his view, because he's black and was poor. Hot damn, he didn't fight in the struggle (not that he did, anyway) to be poor - right?
But Julie's now in the kak. Turns out that his boodle allegedly comes from intervening on behalf of his own company in government tenders in Limpopo. He's come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses - the dog ate my resignation letters, and so on - and has, like his elders and betters, blamed the media for his woes. But it looks as though the fat is in the fire.
Why has it all come out now (bearing in mind that it was quite a while ago that Jacob Dlamini - he of the brilliant book, Native Nostalgia, with the appalling cover - told us exactly what Malema was up to)? Well, it does remind me of the dirty "info wars" of 2005 and 2006 when the Zuma camp leaked such and such a story and the "other" side (Mbeki or Ngcuka) leaked such and such a story. Why have there been leaks now?
Ah, I think the little prat has been over-reaching himself, just like Icarus of yore, and we all know that Icarus had his tochis burnt. Little Julie has gone to war with Gwede Mantashe, the secretary general of the ANC, by pushing Fikile Mbalula, the deputy sheriff of the police department, as a "better" SG. He's gone to war with Jeremy Cronin, the deputy general-secretary of the SACP and deputy minister of transport, over nationalisation. And so on. In short, he has - to quote yet another movie - been f**king with the wrong marines.
But why - I hear you cry - has it reached this public pitch? Why has it not been sorted out in-house? And why did I tell you that long story about the man in the Jerusalem movie house?
The answer is that there are a lot of fellows who have discovered that Uncle JGZ has not delivered exactly what they thought he would deliver to them or theirs. This was bad enough. But, in addition, some of them have had to put up with a bunch of humiliating folderol from Little Julie. This was bad enough - but it would be okay if the president were, so to speak, in the trenches with them. It would even be okay knowing that the president's modus operandi is not to do anything at all - which is what he's likely to do vis-à-vis Little Julie - if he were, so to speak, with them.
But - it turns out - while they were paying various prices, such as having to deal with Little Julie, the president has been making life! It's just not cricket - and now, besides wanting to poke Little Julie in his tender places, they're also rattling the non-existent rafters at Luthuli House.
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Comments
That's an irish airline isn't it?
by Plutarch on February 25 2010, 06:02
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by ZAMUGO on February 25 2010, 06:25
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No, its a clever linguist.
by js on February 25 2010, 06:35
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That's brilliant.
by donovan on February 25 2010, 06:42
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The current joke is that the Prez is Jelly Tots Daddy and that is why he protects his boytjie so fiercely.
Works for me otherwise - I am stumped by the
arrogance of the yoof.
by old, female on February 25 2010, 06:45
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Hell, I wish I had a short version of this article for the YCL SA Discussion Forum. Pity.
by Domza on February 25 2010, 06:51
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Right on pops - yet again!
by Jake the peg on February 25 2010, 07:00
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Very cunning plutarch !
by Swanie on February 25 2010, 07:07
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Well written, I had my chuckle for the day, thanks Jeremy
by Spukupuk on February 25 2010, 07:39
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Poor Little Julie. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.....
by Philias on February 25 2010, 07:41
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this is africa
by ivan on February 25 2010, 08:07
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You are wayyyyy behind the curve because the ANCYL have licked you to the post and declared this matter "officially" closed.
by voter on February 25 2010, 08:10
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You might be a cunning linguist, but I'm a master debater
by Craig on February 25 2010, 08:12
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Jerro commented that Jelly Baby is always seen with his buddies, maybe they are not just his buddies. Maybe that would explain his fortune and his big mouth
by Interesting on February 25 2010, 08:12
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F#ck me this was funny. The mental picture of that cinema being thrown open will stay with me for a long time.
by Swaar on February 25 2010, 08:13
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I think the writer is really bored. Long article to re-analyse public iinflormation and analysis; no insight at all. South African journalists are very boring and lazy. There is no thourough research and originality. I am bored.
by Lucky Mashimane on February 25 2010, 08:24
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Jellyarse did fight the struggle.....10 years in high school
by SlimJim on February 25 2010, 08:41
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Yeh, Irish budget airline with no "koffie moffies". You take your meal onboard.
by Sir Cumference on February 25 2010, 08:47
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Hey silly Dom! Why in hell do commies have to be so boring, just like the believers of the "new born" bunch?
Where is your humour? Killed in the Gulag, perhaps?
What about your fellatio "linguistic" abilities? Please tell us...
by Injala Apera on February 25 2010, 08:53
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Studied in Israel and a Debra fan. Apparently visiously against the Arab communities. Nothing from Africans will be good enough.
by Pops on February 25 2010, 09:07
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Yawn! You make me so tired.... yawn.... senseless drivel.... yawn..... I should be so Lucky if you stopped adding comments... yawn...
by Africas Answer on February 25 2010, 09:14
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Sad, but perhaps you aren't all that lucky upstairs...
by Injala Apera on February 25 2010, 09:23
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If you have seen Dr. Strangelove you will recall that the General who starts off the crisis had his best thought during "the physical act of love" and from thereon decided to set off a nuclear war to prevent the Commies putting fluoride in the water . .more
by Bheki on February 25 2010, 09:23
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I wonder if there is a word for cunnilingus in Pedi
by Slante on February 25 2010, 09:24
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In civilised societies we have humour you know.
by Koos on February 25 2010, 09:34
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Yawn...& more yawn. This Jeremy character is a bloody racist fool! The article is laced with KKK mentality. Malema in business and Malema with an expensive watch worries you big time. You just about to send the him the KKK fools to push him out of Sandton . .more
by Mandingo on February 25 2010, 09:43
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Lucky, it takes years of experience (which you surely do not have) to piece together such a liberal article. Well done Jeremy, another awsome grouping of meaningful words. Illiterate people can not read between the lines.
by Scorpiones on February 25 2010, 09:47
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Winston Churchill was the most academically challenged leader the world has ever seen...yet he was one of the best wartime heroes....so...NYE...NYE...NYENYENYE...you got egg on your face!
by Xoli on February 25 2010, 09:49
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I beg to differ . All Julius needs is a few more children , and rape case against him and he must be the frontrunner to become President once his role model retires to Nkandla.
by sc on February 25 2010, 10:01
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True South African style...sugar and spice...salt and pepper...ebony and ivory..
"He's gone out there to make money for himself - using the ANC, which is where the money and power are if you're a poor black boy - and he doesn't give a S*** for anyone . .more
by Zulu Don on February 25 2010, 10:02
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Perhaps a cunning debaser?
by Injala Apera on February 25 2010, 10:07
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This comes across as racist musings, that will have no positive impact on the situation. i am a white guy, who is just as concerned aroudn Julius as any, but articles like this just push everyone further apart. what is the intention of this, other than to . .more
by Gareth on February 25 2010, 10:18
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Juluis Melema is a Idiot looking for a vilage!!
by Rob on February 25 2010, 10:23
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if you're part of the "troop" and you're in the K** you smell , look, and behave like the rest of the sewerage department, soooo--- all is fine. but when the floods come and a new troop are in the trees and you don't have a tree ,then you are in deep . .more
by uitgeslaap on February 25 2010, 10:23
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So its okay to openly swear in Afrikaans now is it? Dare you to use the english translation of the word in your next headline. I suppose what with the liikes of f**** polisiekar everyone assumes swearing in Afr is now part of the culture - probly is.
by Agneeman on February 25 2010, 10:26
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there is a Pedi word for cunnilingus but I just cant get my tongue around it.
by Swaar on February 25 2010, 11:03
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If Malema can have so much influence in South African politics and media world then he is indeed a brilliant politician,leadership is nothing but influence for which some of Malemas critics can't even influence a fly.I beleive that intelligence is not at . .more
by Mpho Aka Looks on February 25 2010, 11:18
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James Myburgh must stop paying him by the word. Double his money on condition he writes nothing longer than one-third of this length.
by Domza on February 25 2010, 11:21
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Judging from the comments above it would appear that the darkies have problems understanding humour. Shame...
by SP on February 25 2010, 11:35
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To use more of that "semitic lingo" ... - in the current SA with JZ and Juju "Kulanu Meshalmim... ve hu lo sam zayin" (Translation: " We are all paying.. and they don't give a damn." Actually, the second part of the phrase is idiomatic slang that . .more
by More Semitic Lingo on February 25 2010, 11:47
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swartgevaar you should'nt talk tough.if you want to wipe out our generation you bring it on.
this govt. never won a single military battle, all they did was intimidate good honest black people into marching, burning and making the country . .more
by uitgeslaap on February 25 2010, 11:47
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Case in point Bestselling singer is there because of stupidity, don't you get it???
by Observer on February 25 2010, 11:57
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?
Thanks Jerremy for another long but entertaining diversion. We are indeed all watching a very bad movie, and as DB says our politicians are so ugly (and unbelievablle and farcical) that Hollywood would never have them
by George on February 25 2010, 12:05
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Kissing Youthless Julius the Pedirast.
by guymullins on February 25 2010, 12:10
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Have u ever seen a young lion with crocodile skin?? That's comrade Malema. No amount of Media bashing or factionalism will kill him politically. Even the so called political gurus from the left suffering from ideology crisis are engaging in an excersise . .more
by Kabzin' on February 25 2010, 12:11
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Hey Floyd is that you?
by Albie on February 25 2010, 12:31
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And I suppose Fellatio is the name of an avant garde Italian film director?
by Sir Angus Mough-Dyver-Bullfinch-Smythe on February 25 2010, 12:39
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What's a "bazz" word?
by JMD on February 25 2010, 12:50
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i find jeremy gordin's article senseless and like many others of his type, making noise without content. it's a waste of space and time
by steve on February 25 2010, 13:04
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"Judging from the comments above it would appear that the darkies have problems understanding humour."
Those in the government have problems with understanding anything.
by Jeff on February 25 2010, 13:06
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We don't have a problem with black people being rich. We have a problem with morons who couldn't run a spaza shop acquiring obscene wealth through political connections
by Jeff on February 25 2010, 13:09
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Zuma is dumber than Churchill ever was. Moreover Churchill was a great decision maker. Zuma just bumbles along trying to please everyone by doing nothing, so that he upsets no-one.
Furthermore a great leader in war doesn't necessarily translate into . .more
by Jeff on February 25 2010, 13:15
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... for corruption then no wonder they are all at it!
by inwiththenew on February 25 2010, 13:16
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Please find the comment from KOOS and read it. Oh and you are not a white guy - you are a fake white guy.
by Fake Boy on February 25 2010, 13:16
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So invigorating to read a piece with an opinion and not a single mention of the word "alleged" anywhere!
by Larry on February 25 2010, 13:20
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a hibrid, perhaps, viz:-
Bi-lingual = Able to speak/write in two languages fluently; and
Linguist = A person skilled in languages or kinguistics; therefore
Bi-linguist = Twins who speak/write two halves of different . .more
by John Austin, LONDON on February 25 2010, 13:25
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Yes, you're right. Its all a big racist conspiracy. There is no difference between ANC officials winning tenders and businessmen driving expensive cars. @ Xoli: Well then all we need to do is start a war and we'll have most of the planet's war heroes on . .more
by Louis on February 25 2010, 13:33
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Silly article, maybe its coz I stopped reading when I read the word N*****.....
by Dude on February 25 2010, 13:38
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Its true that Malema has nothing to be afraid of. Why do you think that is, though? Is it because he's beneficial to the country, or because there is no accountability. There is not one government department doing its job, yet the only people to ever get . .more
by Louis on February 25 2010, 13:40
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"We now move to 2010 and reflect that our worst nightmare might not be a N***** with a badge"????
by SA on February 25 2010, 13:51
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in my view he might even prove worse as he has about 5 million whites that he will need to destroy remove kill or whatever he decides. I have no doubt that when he decides he will get rid of all the whites one way or another. I truly believe this as there . .more
by Paul on February 25 2010, 14:34
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Overflowing as usual.
by ecoli on February 25 2010, 15:17
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Seems the rafters at Luthuli house is not being rattled loud enough. Julius are in fact the spokesman for as segment in the ANC and his chumminess with the royal family and the Zuma's are no co-incidence.
Mama Winnie's grandson nogal and brother' by . .more
by Geanann on February 25 2010, 15:29
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Please censor your article headings before publishing, I find it offensive. I am sure you can come up with a more intelligent word than that?
by cinderella on February 25 2010, 15:36
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As Usual. Need an extra roll to wipe this one clean.
by E Coli on February 25 2010, 15:59
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U embarass me as a fellow black person
by @Mandigo on February 25 2010, 16:20
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Why bother reading?
by Ghettogladiator on February 25 2010, 16:20
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Julie pisses so many people off that for sure someone will take him out and he will soon be driving a 1000cc Hyundi and be out of the limelight.
There is so much fuss made of this little runt. Its beginning to be a case of media . .more
by Clever Wan on February 25 2010, 17:42
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Brevity is the soul of wit.
by Domza on February 25 2010, 18:04
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I think stupidity needs to be wiped out. Give us some decent Black leaders who care about the people. It seems the country has turned into a gangsters paradise!
by Hectic on February 25 2010, 19:06
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I think that Julius will survive this, like Zuma did. Right or wrong, his backers will play the race card, and do whatever tricks it takes to keep their mafia shakedown operation going.
by F4 on February 25 2010, 21:22
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... because some white dude got that tender. If it were a Juju-babe tender, the place would look like Haiti!
by C-Biscuit on February 25 2010, 22:42
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Methinks many of our SA darkies have horrible self loathing - These guys in general are evolutionary non-starters,kicked down here on their arses by stronger tribes up North about 600 years ago, then they got to beat on the poor old San before being . .more
by Cecil John Rhodes on February 25 2010, 23:50
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I think a whole lot of people online, undermine the masses/ rationalise things according to what or how they think, forgetting that when it comes to the so called "masses", the thought process is different.
I like so many here online- the . .more
by BnB on February 26 2010, 00:48
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I entirely agree with u BnB. Your 2 cents is worth a great deal more than 2 ...
by Jeremy G on February 26 2010, 06:21
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I agree, Jeremy should not use offensive words in his article headings - like the word "Malema"
by Spukupuk on February 26 2010, 13:21
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Sbali , if you really knew your History , Churchill was initially an educated journalist who was once captured by the boers in the Bergville / Estcourt area . He was educated .
Malema cannot even do rock paintings like his recently primitive . .more
by Green Room on February 26 2010, 14:05
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Too right mate , too right .
by Green Room on February 26 2010, 14:09
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THE NAME OF OUR ORGANISAQTION IS NOT ANC YOOF LEAGUE,I THINK YOUR DEGRADING OUR MOVEMENT,COMRADE YOU MUST TAKE US SERIOUS WE ARE NOT ALL LUNATICS.
by osborne on March 16 2010, 20:18
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