It’s all getting a bit scary isn’t it? This whole government of national unity thing I mean. Judging by the sort of comments I’ve been reading on Twitter and in the media there is huge resistance with regards to the ANC getting into bed with the DA and the IFP. This is all down to the fact that the DA apparently wants to bring back apartheid and is the party that hates blacks and is home to land thieves.

Oh yes, and the DA also wants to get rid of corruption, cadre deployment, black economic empowerment and wants to expand the economy and keep the South African Reserve Bank independent. Who can blame the economic illiterates within the EFF and the MK for not wanting to get into bed with them? ___STEADY_PAYWALL___

Let’s assume for a moment that we whiteys decide that maybe the EFF and MK have a point and it’s time to give back the land. I don’t actually have any ‘stolen’ land to give back because I put the house in Mrs B’s name just in case some malcontent ever decided to sue me. But suppose I had a quiet chat over a glass of bubbly and persuaded Mrs B that we should do the right thing and give back the land. I wonder how many claimants we would have.

My guess is that there would be a longish queue after the news spread (particularly after the upgrade to the kitchen) and that the eager new potential owners would want occupation as soon as possible.

Should I mention that the levies and the rates come to almost R6 000 a month, depending on water consumption? Will this even be a consideration or will the election promises of the EFF and MK regarding free everything you can think of kick in straight away?

Obviously, being woke progressives, we would consider each application on its own merits but what criteria should we apply? Did the applicant’s great grandparents graze their cattle on the patch of garden now given over to the protea bushes? If so, is there any proof that this was so? If not I would have to stamp ‘rejected with regret’ on the application and move on to the next worthy applicant.

Clearly, any chancers whose families had migrated from central Africa to what is now known as South Africa would have to be given the bad news fairly early on. But, given the enthusiasm of the EWC lobby, I doubt whether that would dampen their ardour in the least.

This is because the whole land thief argument conveniently applies to the entire continent of Africa, from Morocco to Muizenberg. So it’s no use relying on historical evidence that certain tribes never inhabited the Western Cape and therefore have no historic claim over it. Anyway, whose historical evidence are you relying on? Obviously the white man’s, and we all know that’s just a load of imperialist propaganda.

The worrying thing is that a lot of the folk who voted for the EFF and MK believe all that electioneering guff about getting back the stolen land. That’s one of the problems that comes with having a gullible and poorly educated electorate.

A smooth talking, smartly dressed guy in a designer suit turns up in your tatty township in a R3m car and chucks a t-shirt at you and the next thing you know is that you are swallowing all the gumph about well paid jobs being created and owning your own, recently liberated, ocean facing mansion in Camps Bay.

Of course, it may never happen because the chaos that land grabs would cause would send South Africa into an economic tailspin. The EFF and the MK recognise this and although it’s all part of the great socialist rhetoric that doesn’t stop them promising it as part of their conditions for entering into a coalition.

Which just goes to show how dishonest and ill suited to government they are. If you asked either of these two parties how they proposed to fairly distribute the seized land they wouldn’t have a clue. They would also fail to understand the financial repercussions of forcefully seizing property that was heavily funded by the banking sector.

But since the banks would have been nationalised that wouldn’t present any problem because any bank losses caused by defaulting bond holders would be more than amply covered by the existence of the magic money tree and the SARB’s ability to print more money whenever needed.

In the past week I have read some examples of mind boggling stupidity and financial naivete spewing forth from the mouths of both the MK and the EFF. It is worth mentioning that the EFF were keen for VBS bank robbery accused Floyd Shivambu to become Minister of Finance and that the spokesmen for MK are Tom Moyane and Nathi Nhleko, both of whom should have been sized up for orange overalls long ago. Not the sort of people upon which a solid foundation of reliability and trust is based.

So where does that leave us with the proposed government of national unity? Well either way things don’t look too rosy. A coalition of the ANC and the EFF and MK would send the rand plummeting and give a clear signal to foreign investors that we are closed for business for at least the next five years. The only province to prove remotely attractive as an investment destination would be the DA ruled Western Cape. But

that would assume that the communist run national government wouldn’t introduce legislation that would hobble all provincial DA attempts to attract investment; not an impossibility given the communist's hatred of the DA and of the free market system.

That’s the current worst case scenario. But the best-case scenario of an ANC/DA/IFP coalition doesn’t fill me with much hope because there are elements of the ANC that still believe in the myth of white monopoly capital.

Then there are the outsiders, being the EFF and MK. The EFF as a minority party would probably have to suck it up but would almost certainly make a lot of noise. The MK, on the other hand, are not really a political party at all.

They are more of a Zulu movement of the aggrieved hellbent on revenge for what they perceive as the unjust persecution of Jacob Zuma. They have yet to produce an eloquent or credible spokesperson who can articulate what the party actually stands for and what it hopes to do for the roughly 2.3 million people who voted for it. It has even less idea who will be taking up the 58 seats it won in the National Assembly as the third largest party in South Africa.

Where MK have been abundantly clear though is that they are quite prepared to resort to violence if they don’t get their way. One of their key demands is that Pres Frogboiler gets kicked out before they are prepared to sit down and talk.

Since this is, according to the ANC secretary general, unlikely to happen then coalition talks are a nonstarter. MK have also suggested that they might boycott the swearing in of new members of parliament. This would leave their 58 parliamentary candidates technically unable to take their seats in parliament but would free them to cause mayhem while still claiming that they have been popularly elected. They will no doubt argue that they refuse to be part of an oppressive colonialist style of government.