"Blade not making the visa cut will look good on his CV!" - Sunday Sun

Robert Mazambane says the minister now knows how the Dalai Lama feels

SO NOW Blade Nzimande knows what the Dalai Lama feels like.

No, I don’t mean he knows what it’s like to keep getting reincarnated in the body of a small boy and then getting to rule over very religious people.

I’m talking about Israel denying him a visa to visit Palestine.

But, come to think of it, Blade and the Dalai Lama do have some things in common.

Both of them believe communism is a great idea, despite all the history and evidence to the contrary.

And true communists, although they hate religion, are so fanatical about their beliefs that they do actually resemble the most fanatical monks.

But enough of the communist and Buddhist fanatics, and back to the Muslims and Jewish ones.

The Israelis denied Comrade Blade a visa because he is, as they put it, “one of the most vocal anti-Israeli government ministers”.

That’s probably true.

But I don’t think that denying him a visa was such a great idea. I’d say that it’s the worst decision Benjamin Netanyahu has made since he started being mean to Barack Obama. But that might imply Blade and Obama are in the same league.

We can all agree that’s not true, can’t we?

I’d like to think I know something about marketing and public relations, although if I really did I guess I would have already found a whiskey maker to sponsor this column. I’m not fussy, any good Scotch will do. I’d even settle for some of the Irish stuff.

So, why do I think the Israelis messed up? Because this makes them look bad and just gives Blade another chance to bitch and moan about Israel in the media.

It’s also silly because, although I’m sure he would disagree, Blade is no danger to Israel.

He’s not been what we’d call the most effective minister. Have you seen the state of higher education in Mzansi?

If you can’t even deal with a few universities, then leading the Palestinians to their promised land and the Israelis away from theirs is probably a bit of a stretch.

They should have just let the man in.

My colleague Ntshebe Gordin tells me he heard that, on a visit to Palestine about 10 years ago, Comrade Blade was more interested in liberating the liquor cabinet and chasing after hot young women than harassing Zionists.

Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.

As you well know, I’m a big fan of some alcoholic refreshment.

I would also be chasing women if I thought I had a chance with them, but I’m too old to be a Ben10 and not rich enough to be a sugar daddy.

The point is that Blade would have been no more of a danger now than he was back then.

In fact, the Israelis missed a good chance for a public relations victory of their own.

Besides fancy German cars, Comrade Blade is also well-known to regularly enjoy a fine bottle of wine.

The Palestinians are good at building rockets using just what they can find in their kitchens, but they haven’t mastered wine-making yet.

THAT means Comrade Blade would have had to break the boycott of Israeli goods that he is always going on about by having a fine bottle of imported Israeli wine every night.

Imagine a photo of that!

It would be like catching DJ Sbu drinking Red Bull instead of MoFaya.

The Israelis have really done Blade a huge favour.

It’s hard to keep people convinced that you are the voice of the poor proletariat when your lifestyle is more designer Che Guevara T-shirt than actual Che Guevara.

But this visa denial is the sort of thing that will look great on his Curriculum Vitae.

He can write: “Denied visa by Israel” above “Acquired expensive German sedans”, “Threatened for thousandth time to leave tripartite alliance” and “Didn’t see the statue protests coming”.

Maybe this was the plan all along . . . 

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Until next time, salani kahle!

This article first appeared in the Sunday Sun.