I am forever being ambushed by the depth of feeling, usually negative, that President Jacob Zuma succeeds in engendering in others.
His latest surprise was his excursus into theology last Friday. Addressing a rally in Mthatha, Zuma told supporters that only an ANC membership card would guarantee an automatic pass to heaven.
"When you vote for the ANC," our president said, "you are also choosing to go to heaven. When you don't vote for the ANC, you should know that you are choosing that man who carries a fork ... who cooks people.
"When you are carrying an ANC membership card, you are blessed. When you get up there, there are different cards used, but when you have an ANC card, you will be let through to go to heaven," he said.
"When (Jesus) fetches us we will find (those in the beyond) wearing black, green and gold. The holy ones belong to the ANC."
Newspapers have been receiving satchels full of letters criticising Zuma's "blasphemy". One newspaper editor wrote that Zuma had out-done Malema in terms of spouting "political crap".
The secretary of the South African Council of Churches, Eddie Makue, said Zuma's statements were "dangerous". Kenneth Meshoe the ACDP leader, a real reverend, said Zuma was talking twaddle. Pieter Mulder, the FF+ leader, who is pretty circumspect these days, said Zuma's comments were irresponsible. Prince Mangosuthu Buthelezi, the IFP leader, said the remarks were "disgraceful".
DA leader Helen Zille added: "If President Zuma has been correctly quoted, his words combine blasphemy, intimidation and blackmail. It is unbelievable that the president of a constitutional democracy can threaten voters with such untruths."
Mostly, however, as far as one can gauge these matters without a scientific survey, he has really annoyed people of all persuasions across the board. When I ask them what they think of Zuma's comments, usually easy-going people reply quite viciously about the president, saying that he's clearly a "fool" and a "moron".
Of course it's not the first time that Zuma has made remarks of this sort; and we know that he specialises in not learning from his mistakes. He infuriated Christians and opposition parties during the 2009 general election campaign when he repeatedly said the ruling party would rule until Jesus returned.
So what was the president thinking? Or was he not thinking at all? We know the president doesn't drink, but could he have been smoking some of the Eastern Cape's finest? Really, what possessed him to talk such nonsense - and to alienate all sorts of people?
It's difficult to work out the answer to those questions, but there is a joke doing the rounds that might, like many jokes, have a kernel of truth hidden inside.
It goes something like this. Zuma, having died, goes to the pearly gates with his ANC membership card pinned firmly to his black, green and gold cloak. St. Peter offers Zuma a chance to spend a week in heaven, then a week in hell; following which, he can choose where he'd like to go.
The first week, in heaven, is blissful: as calm and peaceful as the fields around Nkandla. Then Zuma goes to hell - and there he finds many of his comrades led by Julius Malema. They play golf, drink, and party all night with beautiful woman (with sushi on their naked bodies) and so on.
St. Peter then asks Zuma what his choice is, reminding him it will be his final choice. Zuma replies that heaven is great, but hell is clearly more fun. In a nanosecond, he is in hell. He arrives in a desolate waste land, a place of torture and hatred. So Zuma turns to Malema and asks: "What happened to all the great stuff that was here?"
"Ah," replies Malema, "last week we were campaigning, this week you actually voted."
And the moral of the joke is? It's that Zuma is a wily old campaigner and was on the campaign trail in Mthatha. He knows full well the way in which the general population relates to their religion and to the ANC. It's called being a populist.
You suspect I have it wrong and that his remarks might back-fire? Check out the votes that come out of Mthatha for the ANC in the forthcoming local elections.
This article first appeared in the Daily Dispatch.
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